Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
