I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
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