Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
