So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
