I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize