so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
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