i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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