this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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