about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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