Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
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I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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