If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
