their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
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