Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Apparently you make a good broom.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
