Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Found the puke drawer
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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