Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
