someone threw a dead crab at me
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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