she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
