it's like iHOP with fire
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
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when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
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Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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