Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
