u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
