Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
