If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
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Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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