the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
