Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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