i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
