Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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