Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
