fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
