That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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