Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
