my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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