After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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