I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
