Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
