So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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