ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
