I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Be still, my beating vagina.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
