some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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