Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
