like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
