i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
