drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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