Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
