I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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