Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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