Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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