I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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