I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My bed smells like the plague
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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