Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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