and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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