he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
