I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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