my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
