My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
