i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
