she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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