Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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