Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
