You can't special order awesome
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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