There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
How does it feel to date your dad?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
