Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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