Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
