you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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