kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
