we're chasing vodka with high fives
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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