I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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