Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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