This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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