When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
