what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
