can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
