What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
